I'm wondering if the stomach upsets I've been dealing with all weekend are actually the beginnings of an ulcer.
I'm pretty sure I had one in high school -- I was under constant, slow, elongated pressure from a variety of sources. My stomach hurt all the time, I felt constantly nauseous, and as if butterflies were leaping about with abandon every hour of the day.
It's starting to happen again. I'm hardly ever hungry. My stomach just HURTS.
Not surprising, I guess. I haven't undergone this level of stress in all the combined facets of my life in quite some time, and I've always been one to internalize.
I don't know how to lower the stress levels, though. Exercise more, I think -- which, surprisingly, I began to do voluntarily last week. Pray more. Eat sparingly (oh good, maybe I can start shedding those ten extra pounds). Sleep a lot. Try my hardest to relax whenever I'm not at work, since my hours at work are invariably crammed with stress.
Sometimes I feel a little trapped. MP asked me, a year and a half ago, what my ideal job was. "Quick, like a Rorschak -- don't think about it, just answer -- what's your ideal job?" Instant response: "Not to have one."
Right, that's doable. But all the things I love to do involve not having a job: writing, reading, nesting, cooking. That's real life to me. These just-to-pass-the-time jobs are wearing me out.
And since I have to provide for myself, my only hope is grad school, which is at least a year away.
As the author of Proverbs declares, "Hope deferred rots the bones."
2 comments:
Maybe you need to find a way of earning money that isn't a job.
Instead, a career.
Or ... the lottery.
just to warn you...grad school is WAY worse than a job. (at least in my experience.) If you're looking to grad school for a stress reduction, you may want to re-think that.
As for the stomach upsets, try some over the counter zantac (the generic kind is much cheaper). Sometimes stress/anxiety can produce acid problems. I've had this myself as of late.
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