Well, at least yesterday I was.
Job hunting under the pressure of ten more days of employment really sucks. But I'm forging ahead, girding up my loins, all those lovely idioms and cliches, and looking for work.
I've certainly had more fun. But something will turn up. I'm sending my resumes everywhere, for all sorts of jobs, and waiting to hear back. The waiting is killer. I can hear the clock ticking every second, and there's only so much I can do before it's just a matter of waiting.
It's a cool rainy day in South Bend, and the only human being I've spoken to so far is my mom. I'm searching the internet, the paper, and various collegiate websites while trying not to feel tired and useless.
I haven't been sleeping very well, and the nightmares have been plaguing me every time I close my eyes. Horrible ones, the kind where I'm slapping myself in the face in my dream and shouting, "Wake up!" and clawing my way back to consciousness, just to escape for a few seconds of groggy clarity before I sink back under. (I wasn't always able to wake myself up. At least I can do that now.) So I never rest. I'm tired all day and I feel like my eyesockets are black and hollow and I've taken to napping on the couch, which is really a loveseat and is just uncomfortable enough that I don't fall deeply asleep, but can still catch a few zzs.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Something's gotta give. (But it won't be my sanity. That stays put.)
2 comments:
I've slept on my new loveseat more nights than I've slept on my new bed. I don't know why; it's jsut cooler in that room and the tv si there... maybe that's why I've been tired all week.
Sarah, life is scary... but I think that's what makes it so exciting. It also helps us to trust God with our entire existence. Imagine how boring it would be if life was perfect? Keep trucking!
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