Ha. At the moment I rather wish I were dead. And since I can't be, I wish I could make someone ELSE dead. This was a stupid idea. But I'm sticking to it.
Almost through Day #1 and it hasn't been that bad. Not great, certainly, but not as bad as it's been in the past. I felt grumpy more than jonesy.
I'm glad I'm doing this -- I absolutely didn't want to, but I'm glad anyway (this is akin to a lot of good decisions I've made for myself over the past, I dunno, seven years). Particularly after something that happened this afternoon.
There's a sort of latch-key kid, maybe twelve years old, who lives in an apartment adjacent to the office. He comes in when I'm working the front desk to talk. There are many days when I don't have time to talk and brush him off, but on the whole I like him.
There's another kid, also maybe twelve years old, who lives on the block with his sister and his grandparents (this wonderful couple who are the great, hilarious, down-to-earth kinds of neighbors you want to have), and he's always been shy and sweet but not that talkative. He came into the office after school today to offer to shovel the sidewalk in front of our building. He then proceeded to cross the street to the lot where my car is parked and clear a path around it. Then he came back in and we had a fifteen/twenty-minute conversation.
The latch-key kid joined him a little bit later, and when they left, I was all smiles. These kids are so funny and adorable, and I was suddenly glad I've stopped smoking. (For as long as I can anyway. But I hope to make it permanent.) They know enough adults who smoke. They don't need that cool older girl at the office to model a bad and dangerous habit for them too.
I dunno. It adds a little bit more resolve to what was already a faith-grounded resolution. Which makes it, if not easier to quit, easier to hold on through the quitting.
Didn't know you smoked. Happy to here you're trying to quite. :-)
Lots of people at school are giving up things for Lent, and my first thought was: "What am I going to give up?" And then I realized: I DON'T KEEP LENT!!! :-D
Ummmm, horrible. Fortunately for my Lenten observance I also gave up alcohol (that one I'm NOT getting rid of for life), so I didn't fail completely.
But I'm about ready to give up the smoking for good. I've been sagely told by one who knows that giving up smoking and drinking at the same time, for however short a period, is foolish, so I'm working toward Easter with the understanding that once the holiday passes, I'll be seeing my doctor to obtain a prescription for that stuff that makes you sick when you smoke. I can no longer entertain the illusion that I can just up and quit whenever I want, and I feel that the patch and the gum are half-measures that won't address the cravings, so I want to make smoking as horrible an experience as possible so that I CAN'T do it, even if I WANT to for awhile.
It's time. And I've gotten rid of negatives before when I didn't especially want to. And I really don't want my niece to see me smoking -- this is a good time to quit, while she's still in her infancy and won't remember it. But I'm going to need medical help to get the job done, and I've finally accepted that.
8 comments:
yay!
Ha. At the moment I rather wish I were dead. And since I can't be, I wish I could make someone ELSE dead. This was a stupid idea. But I'm sticking to it.
It' going to be hard and sucky at first Sarah, but you can do it. Try not to kill anyone. :)
But it would make me feel so much better.
Almost through Day #1 and it hasn't been that bad. Not great, certainly, but not as bad as it's been in the past. I felt grumpy more than jonesy.
I'm glad I'm doing this -- I absolutely didn't want to, but I'm glad anyway (this is akin to a lot of good decisions I've made for myself over the past, I dunno, seven years). Particularly after something that happened this afternoon.
There's a sort of latch-key kid, maybe twelve years old, who lives in an apartment adjacent to the office. He comes in when I'm working the front desk to talk. There are many days when I don't have time to talk and brush him off, but on the whole I like him.
There's another kid, also maybe twelve years old, who lives on the block with his sister and his grandparents (this wonderful couple who are the great, hilarious, down-to-earth kinds of neighbors you want to have), and he's always been shy and sweet but not that talkative. He came into the office after school today to offer to shovel the sidewalk in front of our building. He then proceeded to cross the street to the lot where my car is parked and clear a path around it. Then he came back in and we had a fifteen/twenty-minute conversation.
The latch-key kid joined him a little bit later, and when they left, I was all smiles. These kids are so funny and adorable, and I was suddenly glad I've stopped smoking. (For as long as I can anyway. But I hope to make it permanent.) They know enough adults who smoke. They don't need that cool older girl at the office to model a bad and dangerous habit for them too.
I dunno. It adds a little bit more resolve to what was already a faith-grounded resolution. Which makes it, if not easier to quit, easier to hold on through the quitting.
Didn't know you smoked. Happy to here you're trying to quite. :-)
Lots of people at school are giving up things for Lent, and my first thought was: "What am I going to give up?"
And then I realized: I DON'T KEEP LENT!!! :-D
I'm a terrible person.
How's not-smoking going?
Ummmm, horrible. Fortunately for my Lenten observance I also gave up alcohol (that one I'm NOT getting rid of for life), so I didn't fail completely.
But I'm about ready to give up the smoking for good. I've been sagely told by one who knows that giving up smoking and drinking at the same time, for however short a period, is foolish, so I'm working toward Easter with the understanding that once the holiday passes, I'll be seeing my doctor to obtain a prescription for that stuff that makes you sick when you smoke. I can no longer entertain the illusion that I can just up and quit whenever I want, and I feel that the patch and the gum are half-measures that won't address the cravings, so I want to make smoking as horrible an experience as possible so that I CAN'T do it, even if I WANT to for awhile.
It's time. And I've gotten rid of negatives before when I didn't especially want to. And I really don't want my niece to see me smoking -- this is a good time to quit, while she's still in her infancy and won't remember it. But I'm going to need medical help to get the job done, and I've finally accepted that.
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