I remember as a teenager watching my favorite TV shows and movies and feeling a certain amount of derisive confusion regarding the characters' telephone conversations. Always curt and dramatic, however dull the call, the actors delivered their dialogues and hung up without saying goodbye:
"No, I won't drive you to the park. My schedule's too busy. Ask Ernie, okay? Okay." Click.
"I love you so much. I can't wait to see you again." Click.
"Hi, Mom, I'm in the hospital and this will probably be my last phone call. I know you can't make it here in time, so I want you to know that I love you and forgive you." Click.
"When are we meeting for lunch? Okay, sounds good." Click.
At the time I thought this absurd. "There's Hollywood for you," my friends and I would say, "inciting drama at the expense of real life. Nobody gets off the phone like that. Who doesn't say goodbye? Maybe they're trying to cut screen time."
And yet, I've noticed, very few people in real life have time any longer to say "goodbye." Even "'bye" seems to take too much time. Most of the calls going into or coming out of my office end in "uh-huh," "okay," or "thank you." And then, just like the actors I ridiculed in my adolescence, both parties hang up.
Have we grown too busy and impatient, with all the forms of instant communication available to us? Have we succumbed to the example of the television and the big screen in our haste to get more done? Have we become ruder as a people?
Or is it, maybe, all of that and something else? "Goodbye" is a contraction of the Old English for "God be with you." In most of the Romance languages as well, bidding a person "goodbye" commits him to God (the Spanish "adios," as well as the French "adieu," the Italian "addio," and the Portugues "adeus," literally mean, "to God"). In more dangerous times, when travel was long and difficult, visits were few and far between, plagues abounded and the mortality rate was generally high -- and the populace as a whole believed in God -- the bidding made excellent sense; even if the person was your neighbor, you might never see him again.
So perhaps the gradual disappearance of "goodbye," at least from the business world (at least in my area), reflects our cultural worldview.
"Hello," on the other hand, comes from OE/Latinate "Hallo," or "Hollo," or "Holla," basically meaning, "Hey, you!" Which strikes me as funny -- the irony is significant, because "hello" doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and is foundationally kind of rude.
Whatever the cause, saying goodbye to goodbye feels a little strange, now that I've started to notice it.
4 comments:
That has always bugged me about tv and films. I always say goodbye on the phone! Or if it's one of my sisters, I say "later dude." I don't know why, but my sisters are always "dude." :)
Speaking of culture and language, I once had a very interesting conversation with an Israeli coworker about saying "you're welcome." She thanked me one day, and I replied "no problem." She mentioned that Americans never seemed to say "You're welcome." It was always "sure," "yep," "no prob," "no worries," or "mmm hmm." When she brought it up, I realized that I very rarely say "you're welcome." My most common response is "mmm hmm," which is casual and hopefully not rude. It's almost like a display of (false?) modesty, like I don't deserve thanks and I'm trying to downplay their gratitude. I don't know. Do you say "you're welcome?"
Wow, what a great question!
Um...very seldom do I say, "You're welcome." For me, the answer comes out as, "Not a problem," or, "Sure thing," and, yes, the ever-present, "Mmm hmm!"
But that's only when the thanks are perfunctory, like in business settings, when I hand someone their receipt and wish them a nice day and they thank me for it. I just took their money; they don't actually MEAN to thank me for that; they're just being polite. Other situations in the office, too, seem to demand alternatives to "you're welcome": giving my boss a cup of coffee, running a gratuitous errand for an ungrateful and whiny client, assuring someone I'll give my boss their fifth message. I think, sometimes, I avoid saying, "You're welcome," in business settings, because I don't mean it any more than they mean their "thank you"s.
With my family too, and friends, although the obligation is much less than in business settings (which strikes me as sad, somehow), I keep it casual, much as you do, with "no problem," and "sure thing," and "anytime." In those cases it's probably a combination of assumed humility and a desire to put the other at ease -- an inferred, No, no, you're not imposing, I don't mind at all.
But out in society, among strangers, I say "You're welcome" more frequently. Holding a door for the person behind me, helping people in the grocery store, giving directions to lost drivers -- things I do for strangers, that I do without obligation, seem somehow to free me to say, "You're welcome" -- because I'm under no compulsion to do what leads them to thank me, which usually generates more sincere thanks.
For me, then, the use of "you're welcome" indicates that I didn't HAVE to do anything helpful, meaning that the people who thank me truly were welcome to my help or to whatever favor I did them. I think as a people we're aware of what is free and what isn't, and, since we're not bound into thorougly polite social guidelines, we can subtly acknowledge the differences.
Sarah, I must admit to spending very little time on the web (let alone blogs); but when I do, I usually browse your posts, knowing I will be treated to a pleasant cocktail of wit and wisdom. Not only are your posts insightful, but they are enormously amusing. Take for instance your reference in an earlier post to "people five years younger than I don't have a word for the bottom half of a dress with a more than four-inch inseam." That made me smile! You have an impeccable sense of balance in your sentences--they are complex, but without an extraneous word (what we high school English teachers wouldn't give to learn the secret to inculcating this style in our students). My apologies for the ebullience, but I felt the need to offer my unsolicited endorsement, for what it's worth. I'm a fan.
-a friend in NH (Frome territory)
Anonymous,
Heartfelt thanks for your gracious praise!
English teachers are the heroes of modern education; my high school experience was given enormous value by an excellent honors English teacher, who made my literary world go 'round. It was she who first taught me about the delight of variated sentences, and the need for concision.
I wish you all the best in your continued wars against illiteracy and ignorance! ("Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!")
Ahh, Fromeland. My junior English class called his the "Fruitless Frome Farm," and adopted the word "Frome-ish" to describe anything Frome-like that happened in our daily lives. Studying that book was a joy.
I'm glad you have come to my blog, and honored that you enjoy it. Thanks again for your wonderful review.
Sarah
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