I was going to focus this post on how tired I am, since I haven't slept well in about six weeks and today I'm dizzy with it, but then I started thinking about the reasons I haven't slept well in six weeks, and then I started thinking about all that has happened in the past six weeks, and the past two months, and then I was simply overwhelmed with gratitude.
I am so thankful for my life. I am so thankful for the directions in which God has guided me recently. I am so thankful that things didn't pan out with Dustin (oh, God, I am so thankful. He's a good guy; but we were so wrong for each other). I am so thankful for all God's intense and continual "waves and breakers [that] have swept over me," teaching me more than I would have thought I could learn, all at once, all intricately linked, all connected like each line in a spiderweb is connected, all glittering and refractory and breathtaking and beautiful like sunlit drops of dew on the strands of the spiderweb. I am so thankful for where everything is, right now, exactly as it is, each piece and facet of my life. I am so thankful for the future, for renewed vision, for the bright hard forging of purpose; and so thankful for the change that lies between what is and what will be. I am so thankful for process, for love, for the people to whom I am connected by love. I am so thankful for words, for Story, for creativity; so thankful for all the talents with which I have been entrusted; so thankful for a life in which to put them to work.
I am so thankful for the love of a God to whom a brutal mortality was less painful than separation from me. Who gave Himself up to death for His own sake as for my own, that He might not suffer the loss of me. Who considers that He too benefits from my salvation, because He loves me for my being, irrationally, because that is love; who is teaching me to love that way, teaching millions of others to love that way, that fear might finally wither and die and all be one, and free.
I am so thankful.
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