Well, I was right. I don't exactly want to die, but it's close.
I've been wondering about the answer to Matt's question. What am I going to do since I probably can't go home for Christmas?
I have several ideas. Here are a few.
1. Get really, really drunk on Christmas Eve and sleep through as much of Christmas Day as possible. (Discarded because really, what an awful way to herald the second holiest day on the Christian calendar.)
2. Wrap a present to myself. Wake up early on Christmas morning as I have been wont to do all my life and curl up on my couch in the dark watching the lights on my Christmas tree. Cry a lot because my sister isn't sitting next to me and my parents won't be coming down the stairs and my cats aren't lounging on the furniture. Continue crying as I open the present and drink lots of coffee. (I think, sadly, that this is the best option I have come up with so far.)
3. Get a mail-0rder husband so that I don't have to wake up cold and alone on my favorite family holiday. Maybe kidnap a few nice unspoiled children just for the day, to pretend I have a home and a family. (Discarded for obvious reasons.)
4. Find the local homeless center and eat Christmas dinner there so that I don't feel so down-and-out and miserable. Maybe volunteer to work at such a place so that I don't feel like a useless broken thumb on the left hand of society. (Discarded because I'm lazy and have to work my ass off the next day.)
5. Bake five dozen of my favorite Christmas cookies a week in advance. On Christmas Day, eat every single one. (Ugh.)
6. Quit both my jobs and move home so that I don't have to deal with this anymore. (Discarded because home is now a place I want to visit more often than I get to, but where I no longer want to live.)
7. Get myself a cat. Screw expenses, my roommate's hatred of felines, and Hurwich Farms's prohibition against pets. Then I won't be too cold or too alone. (Discarded because I'm a coward.)
8. Cry and cry and cry and cry. Find a moment when I'm not crying to thank God for the significance of Christmas and rededicate myself to faith in a good future. Spend Christmas dinner with the family of a friend from work, so that at least I'm surrounded by people. Cry some more. (Combined with number two is what I think will happen.)
December 26th is the biggest retail day of the year. Please don't shop on that day for my sake, so that I don't lump you into the large group of people that I hate as the consumers who prevent me from going home.
Any other suggestions? I'm open to options that don't waste good Puffs. Tissues aren't cheap.
1 comment:
Sadly, that list is heavy on crying and light on laughing. Is there any way you could work some laughter in there as well? I'm sure it would be hard, but it would save on Puffs and it would be a shame if the world were deprived of your laugh. Is there anything that would help?
On a somewhat related note, I have never shopped on December 26 before, and this year I will be working that day as well. If nothing else, I can join you in your hatred of customers.
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