are happening.
I suddenly don't care very much at all about being single. It's like all the grief, rage, anguish and horror of the last four years have been transmuted into an unfamiliar tranquility.
I think there are a lot of reasons. The meds, the growing desire to grow up, gradually expanding horizons, and, lately and most especially, the anticipation of the arrival of Meg and Phillip's daughter. I am going to love this child. And I want her to see her Aunt Sarah as a woman who is happy, fulfilled, joyful, and satisfied, whatever her marital status; not as a woman who is desperate, depressed and miserable. Our generation didn't have many upbeat models of people who found themselves single; I want to show this little girl that joy in any kind of status is possible.
Besides, I'm tired of living in stasis. I want to move forward. Sitting around and waiting for some mythical man to catch me up hasn't worked for me yet, and I'm bored. So here I go.
5 comments:
Good for you, Sarah! I've actually started feeling the same way... it's funny, now that I've started feeling that way, I've been gaining more attention. Weird. Good luck with staying "positively" single. :-)
Thanks, Rainey! Yeah, I've been getting a little more "attention" too, but not from inspiring quarters. Just reinforces my decision to be happy where I am. :)
I think too that age might be a factor...the "burning urgency" of the young twenties, both emotional and physical, seems to be starting to fade. It's not that my desires for love and companionship are gone; they're just no longer as dire and crucial as they used to be.
All in all, I'm thankful for the change. Besides living in a tiny little town where my options are rather limited, even if I wanted to go "fishing," I think that, quite simply, I need to learn to live with myself well. And to invest myself in "chosen family," which I have here in abundance.
keep us along for the ride! :)
I've been making major progress in my thoughts on this as well... haven't had a chance to blog about it recently because of business and computer problems, but I will soon. Let me just say that my fire for God has been so rekindled that my outlook on many things has been changing, and though I have gotten past the numbness I have been feeling for several weeks, but I finally have peace. And joy too. That, I have in abundance. :)
Sarah, You are a beautiful person inside and out and I am glad you are not settling. It's always a mistake. A minister I once knew gave me some awesome wisdom. It took me a long time to understand how it applied to my life but it does and I think it applies to yours as well. He said that "When a potter is making a pot he may complete it and upon viewing his finished work, decide its not right. He then smashes it down, utterly destroying it and patiently remolds it until he knows it will fulfill its intended purpose." It seemed like a perfectly good waste of a lot of time and effort and I said as much and he replied. "You don't want a vase that has been made a cistern" Ouch! But the point is, you come out bionic (better, stronger, etc. etc.) after the good Lord is through.
God will bless you. He's made you into the proper vessel to hold all that love you have coming now.
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