back to bugs

It's almost 9:30 on a Tuesday night, and as I sit here in bed trying to decide what to write about, Simon is snoozing at my feet exuding pure contentment as only a cat can while my little black spider ally chills out above the bedroom window.  Dunno what Spidey did with the stink bug husk, but it's gone -- li'l arachnid does a better job cleaning its dishes than I do.  Although I did my dishes for the third day running, so...yay me.

I wish I could tell Spidey that there are like six billion ants in the kitchen; maybe he could help me out there.  Every damn spring the fucking ants come marking nine by ninety-nine into the kitchen, driven up by the warming temperatures and wet ground.  (Not-hurrah.)  As soon as April dries into May they leave me in peace, but in the meantime, they're running all over the walls like I invited them to.  Every year they find a different way in, too.  I think of all the crevices in this old house and shudder sometimes; who knows how many horrors are crammed into them, waiting for just the right circumstances to erupt into an infestation of hell?  

Last year the ants poured into the kitchen in especially horrifying numbers (cripes, it must sound like I run an entomology park or something, like there are just bugs everywhere, like it's some primal dystopia of the damned.  It's not that bad, honest; most of the time you'd never even notice bugs here at all).  Unwilling to use Raid because of Simon, and unwilling to keep shrieking with disgust every time I entered the room, I fell back on a bit of deductive reasoning and started using hairspray on them.  The reasoning goes like this:  I use a lot of hair spray.  The hair spray makes my lungs feel like broken balloons.  This is probably because it's coating the insides of my lungs and making it impossible to breathe.  If it does that to me it will do that to ants because ants need air too.  Die, ants.

Seems to be pretty effective.  No idea what it's doing to the paint on the walls though.

My whole life I've loved old houses.  But when it comes to loose leaky windows and structural sags and gaps, I have to cede the argument to Chris: Newer homes don't have those kinds of issues.  And fewer bugs sounds like a lovely prospect.

Although I've kind of come around to Spidey.  He doesn't bother anything, just hangs out in his web hoping to get lucky.

Omg.  I'll be his wingman.  Bwah. Hahahahaha,

Oh Jesus, I need sleep.