While poking around in Pandora's books with Adam last week, I found a piece of Christian junk mail.
I seized on it like a treasure hunter in king Tut's tomb. I hate Christian junk mail. The envelope was already open -- scribbled on, in fact -- which I guess was kind of like discovering, as the openers of Tut's tomb did, that it had already been visited by grave robbers, but still, I unfolded the insanely long cover letter with relish to read, across the top, NATIONAL REPENTENCE DAY: SEPTEMBER 26, 1997.
This piece of mail is ten years old.
I was astonished at the poor taste. Here I've been thinking that the Christian approach has gotten worse over time, not better, but in reality it's not as bad as it once was. I was so offended by the big flier with an old lady's surprised face on it that said SHOCK YOUR MAMA: GO TO CHURCH THIS EASTER which I found in my mailbox this year that I set it on fire, right after the Kingdom Hall pamphlet illustrated by dragons and the whore of Babylon that I found fluttering in my door...and that church (with the shock-your-mama flier) had the excuse of my having once given them my address.
But this ten-year-old piece of exhibitionism appeared to have no preamble. Just a long diatribe about repentance to a pair of strangers. Enclosed was a piece of sackcloth, with a self-addressed, postage-prepaid envelope inviting the addressees to return the sackcloth if they wanted to participate in National Repentance Day.
The truly glorious thing is that this will be the tenth anniversary of this bogus holiday, which I can't find is regularly recognized or practised.
I'm trying to come with ideas for how to use it. I have to do SOMEthing with this little piece of sackcloth -- it's too perfect.
But what? I'm toying with the idea of mailing it in with some kind of note. Nothing horrible, mean, cruel, or nasty; just something funny.
Hm, maybe that Comcast flier -- which I also passionately hate -- about discovering the Buddhist secrets of the universe by getting cable.
8 comments:
yep, I'll be in Chicago all summer.... doing research. Will you be visiting?
Yupper! I'll give you a call one of these weekends, if you'd like to catch up. :)
yes, please do. With the exception of a couple of weekends when I'll be attending weddings, my calendar is pretty free. You should check out the summer festival guide at this link:
http://metromix.chicagotribune.com/events/festivals/summer/mmx-festivalguidefront,0,4171954.htmlstory?coll=mmx-bestbets-promo
and if there's a certain festival you want to check out, we could make a day of it.
the link got cut off. I'll add line breaks to make it fit.
http://metromix.chicagotribune.com/events
/festivals/summer/mmx-festivalguidefront,
0,4171954.htmlstory?coll=mmx-bestbets-promo
Dear Sarah
Hello. This comment isn't for posting -- would you please contact me? I have some important things I would like to write to you about concerning the singleness issue -- some practical suggestions.
Please flick me at: cdwords@iprimus.com.au
Hope to hear from you.
Kind regards
Cheryl Dee
Australia
Ah, Christian junk mail. Here's what I think you should do, Sarah. I think you should find whatever company was behind that, or whoever was behind it if it's defunct, and send in the sackcloth with a missive explaining where you found it and what you think of it. Create a real human connection with a human being and see where it leads... Then write a story about it, of course.
By the way - I'm currently on the wireless internet on my hotel balcony overlooking Clearwater beach. Been on the beach since 9:00 am this morning, and man...I'm so stressed because there are so many things to do. Eat. Swim. Play frisbee. Eat more. Swim more. Repeat.
Oo, good idea!
And by the way, you have my sympathy...You lead such a difficult, stressful life, Adam. I can't imagine the burdens of your week. I will surely be praying for you as you struggle through it. With the sackcloth over my head.
Right. So I looked up this Pastor Rod Parsley, who authored the letter, and his enormofrickingmegachurch is alive and well and can be found here:
http://www.breakthrough.net/index.asp
I don't know exactly what to think. I'm torn between really liking what this ministry DOES around the world, providing relief to poverty- and disaster-striken nations, particularly Sudan, and educating and providing for special needs children; and skeeving away from the teachings (I mean, check out the exerpts from the guy's books), which to me sound borderline unhinged. But then I just don't swing from the charismatic branch of the Christian tree, and don't understand it.
But I do like the practical worldwide ministries. Maybe I can ignore the books. The letter really was awful, though. And I do tend to cringe when a guy's own website proclaims the guy to be a prophet, and his relationship with his mentor in his youth to be like that of Elijah and Elisha, with "holy mantling" and "sword-passing" involved. Even if they maintain the deity of Christ, there's almost too much focus on the Holy Spirit, and almost at Christ's expense...I dunno.
Like I say, I'm torn.
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