This one's written in earnest. I love you, Mom and Dad.
P.S. Think of "Tender Tennessee Christmas."
Back-at-Home Christmas
Come on, fortune slip, tell me of romance strong and bright
Can’t you hear the prayers of every single heart tonight?
Match.com’s calling, Christmas love falling, somebody said it’s true and deep
But it doesn’t matter, joy's not a ladder
I’m gonna choose to keep
Another tender back-at-home Christmas, the only Christmas for me
Where the love circles around me like the gifts around our tree
Well I’m told there’s more gold in a man’s hand to hold than alone I will ever see;
but a tender back-at-home Christmas is the only Christmas for me.
Every now and then I get a wand’ring urge to see
Maybe New York City, lots of singles there like me
There’s a parade there, I’ll have it made there
Bring home a guy for New Year’s Eve
Sure sounds exciting, awfully inviting, still, I think I’m gonna keep
Another tender back-at-home Christmas, the only Christmas for me
Where the love circles around me like the gifts around our tree
Well I’m told I’m not bold, that love has no foothold, it’s a lonely way to be;
but a tender back-at-home Christmas is the only Christmas for me.
Well I’m told there’s more gold in a man’s hand to hold than alone I will ever see;
But a tender back-at-home Christmas is the only Christmas for me.
7 comments:
Brilliant, brilliant, and more brilliant! And, um, in the spirit of your previous entries, here's my rendition of the Johnny Mathis classic "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas." This goes out to the stupid drunk who snuggled up to me in the Hoboken train station.... you know who you are.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas;
Now I'll have to go
To a party in some hotel
With lushes who really smell
With dirty minds
And also kind of slow...
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas;
Look who's tried to score
With the blonde in the lingerie; he should straighten that toupee
That we so adore...
A bunch of stupid galoots wriggle into their suits
In the hope of bagging a "ten"
A chick who will flock to some pitiful block-head's
The wish of most of the men
And frankly I can hardly wait till I am home again.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go;
Take a look at these wretched men; there's really no telling when
They'll ever tire and simply hire a ho'...
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon I'm gonna start
Simply wearing a diamond ring
And keep hoping that my bling
Breaks some asshole's heart.
LOL, I LOVE it!!! Oh, well done!
Okay, one more. It doesn't really go with the singleness theme, but I can't resist.
Jingle Bell Shop
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell shop
Jingle bell wails for the jingle bell sales
Grabbing and jabbing,
Attila the Hun
Would have lots of fun!
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell, shop
Jingle bell, MINE
I'm in jingle bell line
When they sell me,
Don't tell me
To jingle bell share
If you do, beware!
What a fright time
To incite crime
As we shop the night away
Jingle bell time,
Go-to-hell time
We'll all have killed ourselves by Christmas Day.
Get in debt, then forget; never retreat:
Jingle until you drop
Tripped and trampled
Under somebody's feet
That's the jingle bell shop!
OMG so perfect! My partner in parody!
Thanks! Two sick minds are better than one!
HAHAHAHA! Remember our Calvinism limericks?
Hee hee... who could forget? Ah, good memories. I knew I got an English degree for something.
Wow, you're on a roll. You need to get these published.
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