Copier and I are having issues today.
I've learned over the past year, mostly, how to deal with its quirks and foibles. I've learned the appropriate moments for sweet-talking it, the appropriate moments for threatening it, and the appropriate moments for dousing it with curses. I know how to push down the back hinge so the paper won't jam feeding through, and how to grab the paper with the speed of lightning if I forget to push down the hinge. I know how to fiddle with all its knobs and dials with the smooth skill of a nurse or a horse doctor.
But today we're having problems, Copier and I. It doesn't have a name yet because it keeps switching genders. I'll have to pick a gender-neutral name for it...one that is easily switched from male to female. But for now it's just Copier.
And it HATES me. Today it's pseudo-jamming -- not actually jamming but you can't convince the machine of that, so it shuts itself down and I have to wait three minutes for it to come back on before I can continue copying the massive depositions that I need to get filed and served on the other counsel today. This will of course involve a drive to Court in this bleary head-fogging weather, and I can't get moving until fricking Copier decides to get these things copied without acting like a Pomeranian forced into cold muddy snow.
It's a very familial relationship, this one. I hate the copier passionately, call it all sorts of foul names and threaten it with all sorts of grisly ends, but let anyone else in the office criticize my Copier and I bristle and call it my baby.
Guess I just get lonely in my office and need something to talk to.
Gah! It just jammed again. *$^&%*@^.
4 comments:
Our copier is a male. You know how I know that? 2 reasons:
1. It's difficult and does not respond to orders
2. There is a piece on the thing where the paper comes out that literally looks like a... well, you know. :-P It's apparently for holding the paper in place as it comes out of the machine... it's very annoying... I think the inventor of this particular copier thought he'd have a laugh by creating this piece. It couldn't be an accident. It's pretty hysterical.
LOL! Oh yes, the inventor sounds male. Cf Disney movies.
Mine is indeterminate because it mixes all the worst stereotypical qualities of the genders, and picks them out seemingly at random.
When I'm happy with it, it's female. Har.
I think this is a universal features of copiers - frustrating the user to death. I recently had to make three copies of every article a professor of mine wrote (I work for him) and it was a good thing I don't carry heat because I would've shot that copier to smithereens out of anger!!!
LOL! I usually threaten to take mine out to a field with a sledge hammer so we can "have a conversation."
When it gets really really bad, I fantasize about Office Space. Oh, that scene is so vicariously satisfying.
Post a Comment