Erdrich should have written a novel with that title. But let's be honest, The Beet Queen is much cooler.
Anyway, I'm currently wearing Vicks VapoRub for the first time since I was about ten. I hated it as a child. Mom smeared it all over my chest anytime I had a cough or cold, swaddled me in cloths that inevitably rolled up over my face, and tucked me in. Now that I'm fighting something that apparently wants to become strep or bronchitis, I figured I'd invest in some Vicks as one of those adult I-don't-want-to-but-it's-good-for-me exercises.
It was just as cold and sticky and unpleasant as I remembered, but when I rolled under my flannel sheets (sky-blue with clouds all over them) I had a weird out-of-body memory of doing the same thing as a kid and feeling parented and safe. So now this chilly ritual that will in all likelihood make my skin break out is a measure of comfort. Now that Mom isn't here to spoil me when I'm sick, I have to spoil myself in whatever small ways I can.
I read an interesting article in Oprah's magazine the other day, by a woman whose name I can't remember. I think she's a psychologist. She addresses women and the culturally embedded idea of the scarcity of love -- that we have to find that one person who will intuit and meet all our needs. In essence, most women look for a man who is a blend of father and mother -- someone strong and authoritative and yet nurturing and caretaking. Which is a good thing gone wrong; we can't expect to be parented ever again. Any relationship we enter into must be one of equals...not that we can't have needs met (that's what friends and family are for...love in the plural), but that we can't be children again.
This made me first of all grateful to be a Christian. No human being will ever parent me again, but I will have all my needs perfectly known and met by God. But also this made me realize that I am not in fact going to be parented by a person any more. I have to do most things for myself and not whine about it. So here I am rubbing Vicks on myself.
And a note to all you folks out there...my roommate is one fantastic cook. Come visit and see what I mean!
1 comment:
Drink lots of green tea, and use Zicam faithfully, makes a big difference. Men? Read Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I have a husband and three sons and thought I knew everything about the male gender. That book was the most helpful thing I ever read. I learned far too much to place in a comment.
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