praise Jesus!

I love my evangelical church.

Less than a year ago I would have snorted at the sound of someone shouting "Praise Jesus!" How corny, I would have thought. Get some dignity. And while I confess that I do not join in such shouting (why is dignity so precious to me? oh, but it is), to hear it fills me with a gladness that other people are not as locked up about their faith as I am.

I don't think an innate sense of privacy regarding one's faith is a bad thing -- I'll talk specifically about my faith when I know the situation calls for it -- but I'm very glad for the others in the church body who are willing to talk about it to anyone who will listen. It's an openness that I sometimes find affrontary (if that's a word), but hey, it takes all kinds, and that brazen declaration really appeals to some people. Those to whom it does not appeal can come and hang out with me. (Introverts are people too! And I like to be with real people at their ease. Above any other human attribute I prize genuineness. God knows I'm not a pristine model of self-restraint and charity. Where's the fun in that?)

Anyway, the young adult group is warm and open and notice when I'm there and when I'm not and are always glad to see me. I've started waking up on Sunday mornings looking forward to attending. It's the most amazing mindset. I even dance in the car on the way to church.

Today I realized that I spend too much of my life involved in pointless battles with self. They're a waste of time. Instead of lamenting that I never get up at six, why don't I just get up at six? Instead of feeling guilty for having a messy room, why don't I just clean it? Instead of agonizing about that last piece of cheese I ate when I wasn't hungry, why don't I just not eat it next time I find myself in the same situation? Instead of looking glumly at my doughy-soft abs why don't I do calisthenics every morning?

Duh. At some point it has to be the force of will over the force of inclination. Sometimes wrestling with self and agonizing over every imperfection and insecurity is profitable; usually, in my case at least, it's time-consuming, ineffectual, and counter-productive. I have too much to do to waste any part of the day in fruitless navel-gazing and self-recrimination.

Haha, like I'll ever stop navel-gazing. But as faith without deeds is dead, so introspection without action is a denial of grace...and a mockery of human worth.